It's Ma Birthday Bitches

the one thing that made this year worth being alive for

Still waiting to see if my decision pans out or not.

In the mean time here is some birthday/new year related nihilistic witticism.

I will be 26 in a scant few hours.

Asshole Boyfriend, I would like a brand new glitter vest and iPod for all the ones your dark skinned henchmen keep knocking me out to steal. Also the sex offenders you placed in my apartment during my brief and unfortunate incarceration in the Siberian wilds have been dispatched. Hydrofluoric acid and polyurethane to the rescue. Where they've been flushed NO ONE will see the religious tattoos on her face. Or anything else about her now that she and her partner in kiddie crime have been reduced to people soup.

Westopher, I would like an all expense paid weekend on your couch so I can get laid. There are no gays within a hundred mile radius of me who're not fat, gap toothed,  and or preening prima dona's with absolutely no concept of what it means to have unrealistic expectations. I will assume you have an abundance of bare skin condoms and premium lube on tap and go ahead and not pack any, at all.

Mags, do nothing. You've done more than enough for me this year already just by being your delightful and witchy self. One of my new year's resolutions was to be a better blogger buddy to you.

Wonderstruck, you totally owe me some freaking Mexican food and none of that authentic kind either. I'm talking straight up Del Taco and or Taco Bell by the sack full. Mmm sacks . . . 

Zombie Goddess, I would like a few freebie zombie resurrections. You can start with bringing back Doogie Howser's youthful good looks and finish up by enslaving L.L. Cool J for me in some kind of zombie sex enthrallment.

Toy Couture, I just want you to come back and blog again. I miss your posts.

As for the new year, well, we have learned nothing as a nation and probably won't going forward so stock up on your essentials now. By which, of course, I mean drugs and sex partners. The end is nigh and it's going to be a bumpy fucking ride.